Good mentors carry no axes

“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.”

— Mark Twain

“The shortest tree in the forest was envious,” the cognitive psychologist Alfred Adler began.

This small tree dreamed of being the tallest tree, but feared he would never grow. One night, he picked up an ax and cut down all of the taller trees. In the morning, the jealous shortest tree finally had become the tallest.

The moral of Adler’s story (sorry — pun ahead): “If I cannot be big, I will belittle.”

People with short self-esteem try to chop down the high esteem of those around them. On the other hand, people with high self-esteem help others grow to their potential.

Mentors vs. true mentors

Most mentors in schools and colleges are assigned. That’s one reason it is an exception for one of these relationships to thrive over the years. Nothing is more crucial to young teachers and professors than being paired with or selecting a mentor with high self-esteem.

I frequently read statistics that claim the average professional life of a public school teacher is only around four years because so many new teachers quickly drop out of the profession. I wonder: Where were their mentors? Were they supervised by someone who wielded an ax? Is it possible that they were not mentored by professionals with the self-confidence and ability to build their mentees’ confidence and help them expand their talents?

Daniel Levinson, the famous Harvard professor, said that true mentors are not assigned. Instead, the mentor and the mentee choose each other. They feel a professional and personal attraction. A true mentor does not act like a peer or a parent. Instead, the mentor is an advisor who helps an understudy navigate the swirling career waters. Mentors always keep the best interests of their charges in mind. They are upbeat and make younger colleagues feel as if “they can become great.”

Many readers may recall that Levinson once offered similar advice on choosing a future boss or supervisor. Choose someone who has raised teenagers, Levinson suggested. Why? Because most bosses who have survived parenting teens have endured it all. They’ve learned to let the little things go. They know how to hold back unnecessary criticism. They are excited to see and praise positive behavior.

Age has its benefits. Most professionals 50 and older have developed their skills. Usually, they are content with their station or career trajectory and are emotionally ready to help younger professionals. Older people understand that helping others means being positive and supportive. They no longer need to carry an ax.

Activity for parents

“Children need encouragement like plants need water,” Rudolf Dreikurs taught. Self-esteem grows when continuous care and sustenance is given.

In a sense, we are our children’s most influential mentors. Rather than being experts at finding mistakes, we should train ourselves to focus on how our children function well. As the psychologist David Elkind reminds parents, “The best preparation for failure is success.”

I asked my wife, Patty, to think of a way for parents to remind themselves every day to be positive mentors rather than fault finders. ”For each child in the family, plant a seed or plant in a container. Name the growing plants after each of your children. As you water, fertilize and tend each plant, be reminded to do or say something nourishing to your loved ones every day,” Patty suggested.

Levinson believed one of the major tasks facing professionals in their 20s is to find positive mentors. No one deserves a mentor who needs to be the tallest tree. Dreikurs enthusiastically agreed that children also thrive when their parents become positive mentors. Encourage your children continuously, and they will develop the confidence to believe that they can be great.