Making proverbial choices

“Fear less, hope more; eat less, chew more; whine less, breathe more; talk less, say more; love more, and all good things will be yours.” — Swedish proverb

A famous marriage counselor’s instructions to a struggling couple:

“Talk to each other, but you cannot talk about the past or criticize other people.”

At first, the audience of therapists was amused at the difficulty the couple encountered keeping a positive conversation going. Then, silence descended upon the crowd. All of us wondered how well we would fare with this assignment.

The modern Wellness Movement teaches people to make positive choices about communications and all of our activities. Choosing well, they maintain, leads to a healthy balance of the mind, body and spirit that leads, in turn, to “all good things.” The Swedish proverb above suggests that wise people have always offered similar advice.

A family activity

Read this Swedish proverb as a toast before dinner. Then challenge each family member to add one line to the proverb. Young children might surprise their parents: “Play more. Talk on the phone less.” “Pet our animals more. Complain about shedding less.” Spouses might surprise each other, too: “Eat out more. Spend less time in the kitchen.” “Travel on weekends more. Clean the house less.” As family members add lines, post a list as the family proverb grows.

Living well includes becoming aware of the many choices we have and then choosing wisely. Everyone in the family can help.

Couple activity

How long has it been since you and your spouse talked about your habits and couple activities? Maybe creating a variation of the Swedish proverb will offer an enjoyable and non-offensive opportunity to discuss changes each spouse would like to make. These personal changes might be discussed more easily without children present. Plan a discussion for after young children have gone to bed or for when you go out to dinner alone.

Look at health for starters. “Instead of having a drink together before dinner, let’s take a walk together.” “Instead of eating cookies for snacks, let’s eat fruit for one week. I will take charge of providing it. Let’s see how it goes.”

Also, couples could examine their nightly habits. “Instead of watching television every night, let’s play cards or games one night each week.” “Instead of getting hooked on each television series we usually watch, let’s give up one series and read a book we’ve always intended to read.”

Couples could also examine traditions. “Instead of spending every holiday at our parents’ homes, let’s pick one holiday to stay home and begin our own family tradition.” “Instead of going to the same beach house each summer, let’s travel to a new place this year. Where would you like to go?” “Instead of always going out with friends, let’s go out by ourselves once every other week. We could take turns planning the evening.”

Children’s choices

How can you help your children to make better choices? A few examples follow. “Mom, my favorite show is on television now. I want to watch it and do my homework later.” “Let’s tape your show so you can watch it without commercials after you finish your homework. Your homework always comes first and entertainment can follow.”

“I’m hungry. Can I have some ice cream?” “Rather than have ice cream every night, I will give you three types of fruit and let you rate them from your favorite to your least favorite. Then we will have ice cream one night and your favorite fruit on other nights.”

Always a choice

The Swedish proverb can help us create our own family proverbs. Begin by asking your children to add a line to the proverb. Then create a new proverb as a couple. Soon, your family members will become more aware that there are always choices in life. And then, everyone can practice making healthy and interesting choices.