Finding the power to change

“I cannot say whether things will get better if we change; what I can say is they must change if they are to get better.”
— Georg Lichtenberg

The truth is we never know if change will make us happier. However, we do know that by refusing to make changes things will stay the same. Without question, courage is required to take the first step toward making changes in any areas of life that are unfulfilling. But the alternative is not good. As parents tell their children, “Keep doing things the same way and you’ll get the same results.”

The more stuck people feel, the more courage is needed to take the first step. Sometimes it may seem easier for people to believe that they don’t deserve to be happier. Or, maybe by hoping fate will miraculously intervene, individuals can ignore the call to action. As the family therapist Salvador Minuchin once observed, “Most people want to change without changing.” Unfortunately, these same people soon discover that today is too similar to yesterday and tomorrow will be too similar to today.

According to Alfred Adler, most people avoid change by using a “Yes, but” excuse.

‘The Neurotic Formula’

“Neurosis is living today as if it were yesterday,” noted Erich Fromm the author of Escape from Freedom. To justify staying the same, stagnant people “Yes, but” all change.

“Yes, I know we should go to marriage counseling, but it is so hard to get our schedules together.”

“Yes, I’ve signed up for parent education classes, but when the time comes I’m just too busy to go.”

“Yes, I hate my job, but there is no use looking for a new job in this economy.”

“Yes, I would like to go back to school, but I’m afraid it will take too much time away from my family.”

You get the picture. People usually know what they need to do to be happier, yet they talk themselves out of taking action. If you listen carefully this week, you will hear dissatisfied people “Yes, but” all suggestions for change. In a sense, they are swimming in place while wishing they were going somewhere.

To take the first step, mimic the natural courage of babies. Although it would be faster and less painful to crawl, babies summon the courage to take a wobbly, first step. In time, that first step will become a run.

If you know you would benefit from counseling, take the small step of finding out the name and phone number of a recommended counselor. Or, find out when a new parenting class will begin and write the dates on your calendar. If you are unhappy in your job, update your resume. And, if you want to go back to college or graduate school, request a catalogue or attend an open house. After this first step is taken, you can decide if it is time to run.

w West is a professor at Lynchburg College. His book, ‘The Shelbys,’ has been translated into Indonesian and Czech. Readers may write to West in care of The News & Advance, P.O. Box 10129, Lynchburg, VA 24506.