Bad Economy Saving Marriages

One unexpected outcome of our nation's horrible economy is that many people cannot afford to divorce each other. 

In fact, last year the divorce rate dropped by seven percent.  Most experts believe this drop has nothing to do with Americans marrying smarter.  In the South, where divorce remains higher than in any region in the country, statistics show that too many people still marry too young and too often.  

However, divorce can derail one's financial train.  Knowing this, many couples who are not absolutely certain that divorce is the best solution to their problems are hanging on longer to their marriages.  While they are hanging on, many work successfully to resolve their differences. 

Divorce:  Hard or Soft Reasons?

Some couples have "hard reasons" for divorce.  These are intolerable situations that include such things as chronic affairs, abuse in any of its nasty forms, gambling away the family's money or chemical dependency for which a spouse refuses treatment.  According to William Doherty of the University of Minnesota, if an individual refuses to work for change in any of these areas, then divorce can be best for the family.

However, there are soft reasons for divorce that include "general unhappiness and dissatisfaction, such as growing apart and not communicating.... If your reasons are in this category, you probably have a lot to gain from slowing down and seeing if you can get these things fixed.  The majority of people get divorced for soft reasons that they turn into hard reasons," Doherty told USA Today reporter Sharon Jayson.

What are the major reasons people divorce?  According to Doherty' research, 55% of people listed growing apart as their biggest challenge.  Other reasons given included:  unable to talk together (52.7%), how spouse handles money (40.3%), spouse's personal problems (36.8%), not enough attention (34.1%), infidelity (34%), spouse's personal habits (28.6%), sexual problems (24.1%), taste/preference differences (23.3%) and alcohol/drug problems (21.1%).

Surprisingly, research showed that of the people in the survey above who filed for divorce, 25%  of the individuals believed that there was still hope for their marriages.  In 12% of couples, when one partner had hope it turns out that both partners shared hope for the marriage despite filing for divorce.  In another surprising result, Doherty found that "infidelity wasn't a factor in whether someone was open to reconciliation."

Marriage is a high-skilled activity.  Some couples who are well-matched in significant ways simply lack the skills to keep a marriage vital.  When couples make time to build their skills, soft reasons for divorce can fade.  To improve, couples need to change their focus from blaming partners to asking what they can do to make their marriage better, according to experts.  Marriage counselors can help.  Seeking help sooner rather than later will increase a couple's chances for success.

Many predict that when the economy improves, the nation will experience a "Divorce Boom."  Let's hope that the success many couples with soft reasons for divorce are experiencing during these bad economic times will become an inspiration to others.