Should Parents Be Responsible?

A father in our community sent the terrifying story below.

He asked me to share his daughter’s experience with Central Virginians. This is not a man excusing his daughter’s decisions. To the contrary, this dad is warning us that what happened to her could happen to any teen in similar situations. His hope is that our society will become less tolerant of parents who allow and sometimes even arrange unsupervised parties in their homes or in rented facilities.

In some ways this is an old Lynchburg story, but a version that almost ended tragically. Since I arrived in Lynchburg 37 years ago, parents have railed against the unofficial “high school dances” that participants report feature heavy drinking. As an alternative, a local couple allowed their daughter to attend a function at a friend’s house. They assumed the parents would be at home to supervise the activity.

A Dad’s Story

Imagine the terror these parents felt when they received a call that their daughter was in the hospital fighting for her life: “My 16-year-old daughter went to a friend’s house where we believed she would be supervised by a responsible parent. Many kids were drinking, and my daughter drank so much that her friends had to rush her to the ER — almost too late.

“The parents had left the house unattended, and when their daughter called them for help, they told her to prop my daughter up and that she would sleep it off. Fortunately, another girl kept calling for help (no one called 911) and finally my daughter was taken to the ER with help from some kids that came over to the house. My daughter was barely breathing, and her body temp had dropped to 94 degrees. Her blood alcohol content was 0.45%. She was transported to the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit at Roanoke Memorial and, thankfully, survived.”

Lessons Learned

Reflecting on the situation, the father continued: “Teens believe they ‘know their limits’ and think if they arrange a designated driver they are being responsible.” But if a medical emergency occurs, “despite years of reinforcement, the kids are afraid to call 911.” The combination of alcohol, experimentation, inexperienced teens and a lack of adult response-ability creates a “perfect storm.” This time that combination almost killed one of Central Virginia’s own.

Could this happen to any teen in a similar situation? Through the decades, I’ve seen too many truly good kids do too many stupid things. Curious, inexperienced teens make tragic errors. Yes, teens in even the best of families can make major life mistakes. Party parents beware! In this age of activism, adults will no longer “go along to get along” as they did in the past. 

The parents of this teen are pushing legislators in Virginia to create more stringent “dram shop” and “social host” liability laws. Unsupervised parties and parents who look the other way may soon become major targets of local activists trying to protect Central Virginia’s teens.