A guide to the best reality TV

The term “best reality TV” could be considered an oxymoron.

But even determined anti-reality viewers like myself get sucked in sometimes. Sometimes, we actually like what we’re watching. And sometimes the shows serve as a sort of catharsis: Nobody could be poorer, uglier, meaner, dumber than these people.

I suspect the reason most viewers watch, though, is for the utter satisfaction of seeing these people become richer, prettier, nicer, smarter.

If it could happen to them, it could happen to us.

* “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition,“ 7 or 8 p.m. Sundays on ABC

In its fifth season, the mother of all home-improvement shows — typically a house is razed and rebuilt, McMansion-style, in a week — owes much of its success to its high-energy host, the breathless Ty Pennington.

Yes, he needs to ditch the retro soul patch, not to mention that obnoxious megaphone. But thanks to Pennington, his core group of designers, hundreds of community volunteers and lots of free stuff from charitable businesses, a ton of deserving American families are finding their American dream: high-def plasma in every room and a killer jacuzzi in the master bath.

Seriously, try to watch it without getting teary-eyed. Sure, it’s formulaic. But it’s also that good.

* “Supernanny,“ 9 p.m. Wednesdays on ABC

You would think a show about bratty kids would appeal most to parents whose last nerve is shot.

That’s probably true. But you don’t have to be a parent to get a kick out of seeing this Øber-Mary Poppins in action. Jo Frost, a London-based child-rearing expert, is every bleary-eyed mother’s dream: a no-nonsense disciplinarian with a heart of pure gold and a DVD player that tells no lies.

Parents can’t help but cringe during those DVD postmortems when the cameras have caught them screaming at the kids or forgetting to use the “naughty step.“ But once they acknowledge the wisdom of Frost’s ways, happiness reigns and hope springs eternal.

* “Survivor,“ 8 p.m. Thursdays on CBS

Now this here is the grandpa of all American reality shows. “Survivor: Micronesia,“ wearing contestants to a nub on a TV near you, is the 16th season of the show that made Mark Burnett a household name.

What keeps viewers coming back? It must be the half-naked players scarfing inedible objects, the relentless backstabbing or the 24/7 strategy sessions. Or . . . the exotic locales?

It couldn’t be the changes the show has made in the name of mixing it up. Casting teams by race in 2006, for example, was a move akin to the New Coke debacle. This season’s gimmick, pitting fans of the show vs. “favorites” from past shows, is only slightly better.

Maybe the attraction is “Survivor” host Jeff Probst, whose diminishing physique has come to mirror the starving contestants. And who else could make “The tribe has spoken” still sound so . . . sincere?

* “Dancing With the Stars,“ 8 p.m. Mondays and 9 p.m. Tuesdays on ABC

Sixth season? Amazing.

You know how it goes: Twelve celebrities are paired off with 12 professional ballroom dancers. The celebs, a mixed bag of B-stars, former athletes and People Who Know People, drop a ton of weight and learn to rumba (or not) during the next several months.

My favorite part: the backstage sessions where they find out how hard it is.

Truth be told, I prefer “So You Think You Can Dance” (quick plug: season premiere at 8 p.m. May 22 on Fox). “SYTYCD” features 20 serious dancers, culled from the streets — literally, sometimes — who just really want to hoof it for a living. The joy and pain are palpable, the choreography and dancing are remarkable.

* “Wife Swap,“ 8 p.m. Wednesdays on ABC

Like many reality shows, this one got its start in the United Kingdom. Two families exchange their moms for two weeks.

Like most reality shows, “Swap” adheres to a rigid formula: Each mom visits her new home with the family in absentia and reads what the other mom has to say. The two are polar opposites: A Christian is paired with a Wiccan, a tightwad is matched with a spendthrift, a beauty queen is up against a makeup-free plain Jane.

The family shows up, and then the real fun ensues.

Like all such reality shows, all goes as expected: Wife meets new family, family loves wife, family hates wife, wife beats family into submission (usually by bullying or killing with kindness), the husbands yell at each other for the humiliation their wives suffered, both families learn a valuable lesson.

We never said it was art.

Contact Cynthia McMullen at (804) 649-

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