Couch Potato: ‘Top Model’ returns, ‘The Beautiful Life’ disappoints

The CW’s Wednesday nights are all about high fashion.

“America’s Next Top Model” just kicked off its 13th cycle this week with a two-hour episode; next week, it will be joined by freshman drama “The Beautiful Life,” which follows a group of models who work for the same agency and all live together in a New York apartment building.

Here’s what I’m thinking about both series:

America’s Next Top Model (8 p.m. Wednesdays)

The latest cycle of Tyra Banks’ model search offers a twist: all of the hopefuls are 5-foot-7 and shorter. 

Other than the ladies’ diminutive statures and lots of talk about what a “risk” it is for Tyra to try to “change modeling industry standards” — give me a break and, while you’re at it, give me the name of one successful model this series has produced — it’s the same show we’ve come to know and love.

That includes plenty of Tyra’s tired, over-the-top antics, which I’ve become less and less tolerant of as each season goes by.

During the premiere’s first hour, Tyra and the Jays narrowed the ladies from a group of 32 to 20 to 14.

Standouts included Courtney, a 22-year-old Florida gal who broke her foot right before filming but could still rock the runway in a pair of stilettos; Rae, a 21-year-old mother; Nicole, who made the unfortunate mistake of sharing that her childhood nickname was “Bloody Eyeball” (ewww); Laura, a kindhearted Kentucky girl who made me smile every time she was on camera; and Ashley, who was handpicked by Tyra after being spotted in the crowd of her daytime talk show.

Another bonus: the makeovers, and the inevitable drama, came immediately in the second hour. (Oh, except they were called “Ty-overs.” Gag me.)

Bianca, this season’s villain, hated her bleached eyebrows. She also later complained about her photo shoot make-up and told us she is not here to make friends. Shocker.

The most drastic transformations came for Britney, who went from blonde to dark brown; Lulu, whose short ’do was replaced by a long, dark weave and heavy bangs; and Nicole, whose mousy, brownish hair was replaced by a red, curly, windblown-looking weave.

Rae and Erin’s makeovers seemed eerily similar — both ladies went platinum blonde, with bleached eyebrows to match. This is a trend I do not get.

The first photo shoot, which had the girls re-interpreting a childhood photo, was neat and different.

Rae definitely had the best photo (the judges agreed), imitating a ballerina pose in the scariest shoes I’ve ever seen: a pair of plastic pointe shoes with 8-inch heels. Even the costumer, who picked them out, said she’d only ever seen people sitting down in them.

I also liked Nicole’s shot, which proved that her quiet nature was no indication of her modeling prowess.

In the end, Bianca and Lisa were deservedly in the final two, and Lisa, whose clown shot was pretty lifeless, went home.

I hope Bianca and her bad attitude follow. 

The Beautiful Life (premieres 9 p.m. Sept. 16)

This series didn’t impress me. At all.

In the pilot, we meet Raina (Sarah Paxton), an up-and-coming model who has just made a splash at real-life designer Zac Posen’s fashion show, stealing the spotlight from Sonya (Mischa Barton, whose acting skills have not improved since her days on “The O.C.”), a more established poser who has just returned after a mysterious disappearance.

The only other character we get significant backstory on is Chris (the very cute Benjamin Hollingsworth), an Iowa farm boy discovered by an agent while vacationing with his family in the Big Apple.

In future episodes, I assume we’ll learn more about the others, including agency owner Claudia (Elle Macpherson) and models Isaac (Corbin Bleu, who has grown up since his “High School Musical” days), Cole (Nico Tortorella, whom I recently loved on “Make It Or Break It”) and the witchy Marissa (Ashley Madekwe).

I’m just not so sure I’ll still be watching.