Ken West: The secret of school success

Self-regulation may be the key to success in school and college, according to researchers. More than a family’s financial status or the IQs of children, experts believe that the “ability to stop, think, make a plan and control their impulses” leads students to academic and career success, according to the article “The Secret of School Success,” in USA Today. Unfortunately, overly involved parents stunt their children’s self-regulatory growth by becoming focused on short-term results rather than building their children’s ability to accept long-term responsibility for their work.

The marshmallow study

In a landmark study, Walter Mischel “placed a marshmallow in front of a hungry 4-year-old and told the child that she could eat the marshmallow right then, or have two if she waited until the researcher returned.”  Only about one-third of the students studied waited to receive both marshmallows. Years later, Mischel discovered that the students who waited for the second marshmallow made better grades in school and scored an average of 200 points higher on SAT’s compared to their peers who were less self-controlled, according to USA Today.

Regulating impulses leads to success. As children, students need to choose to do homework rather than watch television or communicate incessantly with their friends. As adults, people must plan ahead to save money and not overload their credit cards.

Unfortunately, current trends do not help children build self-regulation. For example, researchers believe choosing to play video games or to watch television contributes nothing to a child’s ability to plan ahead and control impulses.

To become a better parent

What do you do when a child forgets his lunch? What happens when a child fails to plan in advance to create a science project? How do you respond when children impulsively ask for help on homework that challenges them? Too frequently parents rush to their children’s rescue. The immediate results of over-involvement are good. Children are happy to find help. And, in the short-term their grades may be higher if their parents become overly involved.

However, as a result their children’s ability to plan ahead, think through problems on their own and accept responsibility for their decisions remains undeveloped. The famous family therapist, Salvador Minuchin, offers simple advice to parents who are overly involved in their children’s school work: “To be a better parent, you must do less.” Allow children to accept the consequences for poor planning or for forgetting to take needed items to school. Sure, this may temporarily result in lower grades and more frustration. However, children will learn to regulate themselves and plan better for the future.

Local preschools might consider adopting a preschool curriculum called “Tools of the Mind” which currently is bringing excellent results in preschools around the nation. “Children create a ‘play plan’ and then spend a mind-boggling 45-60 minutes acting out their roles,” the USA Today article said. Teachers and the students’ peers expect them to follow through with their plans and most do.

Do you want to help your children more? For overly involved parents, the directions are simple: Do less.