I was shooting pool over at Moose Lodge 1727 the other night when somebody switched the cable TV to the ’80s music channel. And as the evening wore on, it occurred to me that some of these songs were ripe for a 2009 update.
If you don’t recognize any or all of these timeless tunes, you can probably find them on YouTube. If you don’t have a computer, just hum along to whatever tune you choose (“They’ll Be Comin’ ’Round the Mountain” seems to work well).
Money for Nothing
Dire Straits
(AIG Remix)
Look at them scoundrels,
That’s the way you do it,
You get your money from AIG.
Yeah, that ain’t workin,’
That’s the way you do it,
Flush your firm down the
toilet,
Then get paid to leave.
Yeah, that ain’t workin’,
Them guys know best
Maybe get three million in your mailbox,
Stuff a couple million in your vest.
They’ve even managed to tick off Obama,
Protesters howling right outside the door.
But that don’t matter, it’s in a contract,
Get your money for nothing,
Then come back for more.
I Want a New Drug
Huey Lewis & the News
(Alex Rodriguez Remix).
I want a new drug,
One that they can’t see,
One that won’t make my hair thin out,
Or show up when I pee.
I want a new drug,
One that Bonds hasn’t found,
Won’t put me on ESPN,
And make me feel like a clown.
One that won’t leave my agent,
Wondering what to do,
One that’ll make me feel good,
And still hit .392.
Still hit .392.
Jessie’s Girl
Rick Springfield
(John McCain remix)
Obama is a friend
Yeah, I know he’s been
A good friend of mine.
But lately something’s changed
That ain’t hard to define,
Obama’s got himself the job
That I wanted to be mine
And he’s always on CNN,
Helicopters and Air Force One,
And he’s signing bills left and right.
I wish I had Obama’s job.
I wish I had Obama’s job.
I have to speak up when I can,
He’s spending money like
There’s no tomorrow.
A bank here, a carmaker there,
Soon we won’t have any left to borrow.
Last year was supposed to be my turn,
The Democrats were in disarray.
Why couldn’t he wait
Until 2012 came round?
He’s really just a kid,
And my time is winding down.
I wish I had Obama’s job.
I wish I had Obama’s job.
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